1. What was your best date?
Bungalow 8. It was when it was still good, and it was the first club I ever went to. I drank champagne and ate grilled cheese sandwiches and danced on the base of a palm tree, while Mary Kate Olsen sat to one side, looking like an eccentrically garbed homeless person. The guy who took me there had his moments.
2. What was your worst?
It was already going badly, and he asked if I minded if he smoked. I said “sure!” Then he picked up my hand, wove the cigarette between my fingers, took a drag on it and said “so what were you sayin’, babe?”And I was stuck there, with his drool and the nicotine awkwardly coating the crevice between my fingers.
3. What’s your backstory?
When I was a kid I used to read Eloise over and over and told everyone that I would move to New York, and live at the Plaza. I now live in New York (not at the Plaza) and am the deputy editor of the Gloss. Some stuff happened in between.
4. Everyone has a “thing.” What’s yours? – I don’t.
Well, now I feel stupid. Despite my best efforts, all my houseplants die within a week. Plant killer? Is that a thing? I can sort of do bird calls, too. And I can beat you in a pie eating contest. Not anyone, just you.
5. Everyone also has a karaoke song. Name yours (and don’t be shy).
I am tone deaf and this questionnaire is continuing to make me sad. I like it when people sing New York, New York, though. Mostly I just stand in the corner and I sway.
6. Who are your biggest influences?
Dorothy Parker, my Mom, Diana Vreeland, my Grandmother
7. What is it you most dislike?
Oranges
8. Whose job would you like to steal?
You know those people who get to walk people on and offstage at the Oscars? I always thought that seemed like a fun job. Also, driving a Zamboni or working in a cupcake shop. I applied to work in a cupcake shop, once. I was told I didn’t have enough experience.
9. When I wake up in the middle of the night it’s because I’ve had a nightmare that I’m ___ .
Both Michael York and Graydon Carter are prominent figures in my nightmares. They periodically berate me and issue weird threats of physical violence until I wake up screaming. Seriously. Both are people I admire in my waking life.
10. I feel my best when I’m wearing ___ .
Prada. Like the devil. But different.
11. Please settle the debate: New York or LA?
Americans with only ambition move to LA. Americans with only intellect move to San Francisco. Americans with both move to New York.
12. What’s on your playlist at this very moment?
The Smiths, Eartha Kitt and, inexplicably, some cover band called AD/DB because I can’t get the real AC/DC on my iTunes account and I like to listen to “Have a Drink on Me” because it reminds me of Raven O’s intro at The Box, which was a club that was cool, once, but is not, now.
13. What are you watching on TV?
Re-runs of Mad Men. 30 Rock. Gossip Girl. I also kind of have a thing for Law and Order: Criminal Intent and Cold Case.
14. If you alone held the power to pick a boyfriend for Jennifer Aniston, who would you pick?
Brian Stelter.
15. Given the chance, would you rather hang out with George Clooney or Robert Downey Jr.?
Whichever one found me more physically attractive.
16. If you were a character on any movie or TV show, past or present, who would you be?
Liz Lemon. But everyone thinks they’re Liz Lemon. Mary Tyler Moore. I love her.
17. What is your drug of choice?
Hugs.
18. What’s the last thing you think about before falling asleep at night?
Whether or not I could keep reading for five more minutes.
Jennifer Wright is deputy editor at The Gloss.
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